Friday, 4 December 2015

A letter to Mark Zuckerberg

My grandmom's brother, has written a humurous letter congratulating Mark Zuckerberg on the arrival of their bundle of joy into this world. Its extremely well written explaining the rituals of the christening ceremony in India. He has rightly expressed his astonishment on the decision of charity that Mark has declared on the eve of their newborn as against the Indian mentality of saving more for the future of the child!


Here it is:



Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

 

I on my own behalf and the navacousins clan extend you and Priscilla warm greetings and congratulate you both on arrival of your daughter Max. We all are awed by the way you celebrated her arrival. You announced that 99% of your stocks worth whopping sum of 

$ 45 BILLIONS would be given to charity.

 

There is a traditionally laid down procedure that is to be followed for well-being of the child. We believe in simplicity and thus never display our true worth. We donate anonymously but certainly not to 99% of our hard earned assets. As a matter of fact when the new born arrives our assets are short by 99%.    

 

We Indians in general and Maharashtrians in particular, have strict and perticular ways and procedures to welcome the new-born in the family. This ensures the well-being of the child, assures bright future and takes the family name to the glory. 

 

We celebrate the arrival of new born in the family by distributing small rectangular pieces of a sweet called Burfiin case of a baby girl and small oval shaped pieces called Pedha, in case of a baby boy. In either case one gets about 50 to 60 pieces of such sweet in a box of 1 Kg. 

 

On the 3rd or 4th day, a small family function called Satvi-Puja is performed by family priest. On that day the goddess Satvi supposedly writes the destiny of the new born on her/his forehead. The ceremony begins with worshipping “ Gopya” which is a grinding stone called Veravanta. It is draped in a “Zabala” a girl’s frock and a flower shaped cap with stings. It is further decorated with small size flower garland, gold chain and ear-rings. Couple of incense sticks and a small silver lamp in ghee is lighted in front of it. 5 sweets and 5 fruits, called “Naivedya”  are kept in a silver tray as offering to the goddess. The mother and the new born child, in her lap, worship the goddess by applying Kumkum and turmeric powder to her. The mother-in-law then gleefully honour the daughter-in-law, for extending the family generation, by offering fistful of rice, 5 fruits and few coins in her sari called “Otee”The priest is busy chanting hymns to appease the goddess. All the family members in rotation worship the idol and pray for writing a good destiny for the new born. The priest is paid his professional fees called “Dakshina”, together with ¼ Kg box of sweet and a coconut. He blesses all and leaves for his next appointment.

 

On the 11th or 12th day the naming ceremony called Baarsais conducted. Till this day the new born is not named hence he/she is affectionately called as Raja/Rani or simply baba/baby. Hectic parleys go on for choosing a right and meaningful name for the new born.  All the family membersgather in the well lit main hall where a flower-decorated cradlein North-South direction, is kept in the centre. The new born in the lap of mother, facing East, is seated on a wooden plank called “Paat “. Five gorgeous married women come forward and stand in pair on either side of the cradle. One takes the child in her hands and passes him/her under the cradle. And thus the new born’s first name is announced. The lady on the other side takes the child and passes over the cradle by announcing second name. Like this by rotation 5 ladies announce 5 names of the child.

The new born is then applied with black dots on the forehead and the cheeks to ward off the effects of jealousy. Everybody claps vigorously after announcing each name in their appreciation. One of the five names is then registered with the Govt Department of Birth and death. Sweets are distributed to all present and the host thanks profusely and request them to join for brunch.

 

After the brunch another programme of piercing of the ear takes place. The family gold-smith is called upon to carry out this mission. It is believed that by piercing the ear lobes, the child takes restrained decisions in his life. Haste makes waste and hence this precaution. In this ceremony the Mama of the child, i.e; mother’s brother is hero. He wears a white cap called “Gandhi-Topi” covering his head and dressed in traditional Indian dress.  Red kumkum dot adores his forehead. He squats on the wooden rectangular plank called “Paat” with the child in his lap. And then the ears are pierced. Unmindful of the loud crying of the child, Mama holds the fort and helps the gold-smith to complete his task. Coconut oil is then applied to it and a small gold wire in kept in the place. Mama then shoves few currency notes in the tiny hands of the child and expectantly waits. All eyes are focused on the tiny hands to see whether the child holds the notes in fist or squanders it. If he holds it then he would conserve and save the money else would be spend thrift in his life. Either way the little child is appreciated by a round of applause.

 

In the interest of your daughter’s well being and ensuring bright future, I humbly request you to follow this age old tradition. On second thought the name Max is often a boy’s name and hence suggests you to rename her as MINI.

 

Our experience tells us that upbringing of girls is often more expensive than boys. They require more fortune for their dress, make-up, shoes, jewellery and education. Most of the girls go on to complete their Masters or even Ph.D. as against boys who are content with Bachelor’s Degree and get into either some job or start on some business.

 

Ambani’sMittal’sVadra’s or Munjal’s have not donated their well stashed wealth on arrival of the new born. How can you afford to make such grave judgemental error?

 

May be you didn’t hold money in your fist when your naming ceremony took place. 

 


Thanking you,


Truly yours,

Suresh Karjatkar 

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